Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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