We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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