did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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