So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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