I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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