I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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