absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
