Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
