I will die if light touches me.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize