Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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