Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
