where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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