My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
