sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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