I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
