Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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