all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
