i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
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it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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