I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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