We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
