Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
