im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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