Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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