Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
