I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
