I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize