Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
