He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
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Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
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He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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