he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
