Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
