Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my being single is dangerous.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
