I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm always down for nudity.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
