I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
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I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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