get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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