and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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