My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
