How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize