I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
third nipple confirmed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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