census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
