That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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