i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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