so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
