If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
