after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
