Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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