I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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