Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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