You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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