oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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