so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
