If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
