also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
