i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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