So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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