I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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