i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
