I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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