"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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