I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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