Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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