Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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