i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
