Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
