I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
