At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
