Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
