i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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