Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
