summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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