first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
