i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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