I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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