You can't special order awesome
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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