I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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