I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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