are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
