i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
