when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
