My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
