I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
