this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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