T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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