Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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