awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
