My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
