i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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