If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
