I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
